


The "Smart" Buckley

by datleggy



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Child Neglect, Dyslexia, Dyslexic!Buck, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Learning Disabilities, M/M, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Team as Family, dad!bobby, fire!fam, neglectful!buckley parents, supportive family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:01:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23410615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datleggy/pseuds/datleggy
Summary: He blurts it out, fast, like ripping off a band aid. “I’m dyslexic.”It’s only two words, but he’s never said them out loud.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 51
Kudos: 680





	1. Chapter 1

Hen laughs, “I thought Denny’s hand writing was chicken scratch, but lord is this bad.” 

Buck’s heart drops to the very pit of his belly and the palms of his hands go clammy. 

His phone had been charging by a port earlier and Buck had needed to write down a list of things he needed to get from the store as soon as his shift was over, so he’d grabbed a square napkin and quickly jotted down a few items. 

He thought he’d shoved the list into the back of his pocket, but it’s clear now it had landed on the kitchen floor, and now it was being held and worse, _read_ , by members of his crew and the Captain. 

“Yeah, who wrote this?” Chim chuckles, “They misspelled ‘strawberries’—oh and ‘shampoo’, too.” 

Eddie raises a brow, “Did someone bring their kid to the station?” he thought he was the only one who did that.

Bobby shrugs. “Not that I know. Also, this kind of looks like a grocery list?” 

Buck’s shift is over in exactly three minutes. He should turn around and go, right? He should just run to his car and forget about his phone charging not too far from where Hen is sitting, forget about the list and do his stupid shopping and go home and forget this moment. 

After all, they don’t know it’s _his_ writing. 

Just as Buck thinks maybe he can get away with this, Eddie says, “Huh,” and then, “Buck uses this shampoo.” and all eyes suddenly land on him. 

A wave of embarrassment crashes over him and he can feel a terrible heat at the nape of his neck, and _fuck_ , his face is probably beet red. 

Chim laughs, it’s not a particularly mean laugh, it’s his usual teasing laughter, but it stings just the same, especially when he says, “Man, I knew I got the smart Buckley, but dude, there’s a limit.” 

The comment is like a sucker punch to the stomach and Buck actually has to take a step back, reeling. 

He wants to try to laugh it off, but the sound is stuck in his throat, and the team is starting to give him funny looks. He loathed growing up, hearing those kinds of things from teachers and his parents, and Buck decides that’s enough humiliation to last him a lifetime, thank you. 

So he decides to fess up. 

He blurts it out, fast, like ripping off a band aid. “I’m dyslexic.” 

It’s only two words, but he’s never said them out loud and his pulse is racing, his heart thundering in his chest, and he doesn’t even wait for the crew to react, he quickly grabs his phone from the wall socket and paces out of the room like the floor is on fire. 

Buck doesn’t mean to run off, it just happens, and by the time he finally stops moving he’s in the changing room and his stupid hands are trembling so bad he can’t open his locker door. 

“Damn it.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Buck!” Chim manages to catch him before he can hop into his Jeep and speed off, which is probably a good thing. His hands are still trembling.

Buck stops and turns around, a little skittish.

Chimney looks dismayed, like someone who just stepped on their dog’s paw by accident. “I’m so sorry.” he says anxiously. “That was really fucked up, what I said back there, I—”

“It’s ok, you um, you didn’t know.” Buck forces a smile, but he knows it’s strained. “It’s fine. I just, I wanted you guys to know, that’s all.” he shrugs, like it’s no big deal.

Chim shakes his head. “No, stop, please, listen to me, I’m _always_ taking jabs at you for stuff like that, and sure, I didn’t know, but that’s still no excuse for being a jackass to you all those other times before, man. I’m really sorry.”

Buck sighs, looking down at his feet. God, why is he so nervous? “Thanks. But, I mean, I know you’re just joking. It’s ok.”

“You know and I know that I’m just joking around, but if those jokes hurt you then they’re not jokes and they’re not funny, it’s just me being an asshole to you, Buck.” Chim insists. “I feel like a total dick and I have no idea how to make it up to you but I swear from now on, no more stupid jokes like that.”

Buck is grateful for Chimney’s reaction, he’s not sure what he would have done if no one had taken him seriously—it wouldn’t be the first time, “Um,” he hesitates. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Can you not tell Maddie about my dyslexia?”

“Wait, she doesn’t know?” Buck can’t blame Chim for the confusion displayed on his face; Maddie and Buck grew up in the same household, how could she not know?

Buck rubs the back of his neck. “Nope. The school told my mom about their suspicions that I might have a learning disability when I was in the third grade and she threw a whole fit and made them sweep it all under the rug. Maddie was older and she was focused on her own stuff, you know? So it just never really came up? I want her to find out from me.”

Chim nods, though he’s frowning at this new and unsettling information. It’s definitely not what he’d been expecting. “Of course.” he can see Buck is uncomfortable so he tries to change the subject, “Hey, listen, everybody wanted to chase after you back there, but I managed to convince them that might be a lot, which is the only reason you’re not being bombarded by the whole team right now; they’re not so subtly waiting in the kitchen for news, if you wanna’ come back?”

Buck chews on his lip. “Is Bobby mad?”

“What? No, ‘course not, why would he be mad at you?” 

“It’s kinda been my experience when it comes to authoritative figures in my life. The reactions aren’t ever really…great.” Buck shrugs helplessly.

Chim frowns. “I can promise you right now Cap won’t have a problem with it, and if for some reason we’ve entered another dimension and he does, I’ve got your back, Buckaroo. You’re not alone, ok?”

Buck is still nervous, nervous about facing the rest of the team, his Captain, and his sister, but to finally, definitively have someone on his side, it feels good.


	3. Chapter 3

“Um, am I in trouble?” 

“No, Buck, you’re not in trouble. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Bobby says, tilting his head. 

“I don’t know, just feels a little like being called into the principals office or something.” Buck shrugs timidly. When Bobby had asked him to speak privately in his office Buck had momentarily flashed back to his middle school days, when he’d be sent to the principals almost daily for disturbing the rest of the class. Not a fun feeling. 

Bobby frowns, lines appearing on his forehead. “Buck, I promise it’s not like that. I wanted to be able to talk, just the two of us.” 

Buck fidgets in his chair. “About my dyslexia, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“I know I should have told you earlier, probably at the academy, but Bobby I can still do the job, I swear, I passed the exam and---” 

“Woah, hey, slow down Buck, that’s---that’s not what I was implying at all. I _know_ you can do the job, and you do it damn well.” Bobby tries to assure him. “I _am_ a kind of surprised it’s not in your file, to be honest, it doesn’t even mention anything about you taking the exam orally.” he admits, confused.

“Well,” Buck rubs the back of his head. “I did initially think about maybe using that special disability program they’ve got, so that I could take the test orally, instead of written, but I flaked on that idea after hearing a few horror stories in the academy, about the way they conducted those tests. I was the last one to finish, which the instructor was kind of a dick about, but I just barely managed to pass, so, no harm no foul?” 

Bobby sighs, long and loud, and Buck’s palms start to sweat, afraid he’s messed up by saying anything at all. His test scores were the lowest in his graduating class, despite him having busted his ass studying like crazy for that exam; he’s sure the only reason Bobby even accepted him into the 118 was for his high scores on the physical exam.

“I’m sorry.” Bobby says, finally, a sort of sad look on his face. 

There’s nothing for the Captain to be sorry about, Buck thinks anxiously. Unless he’s about to do something he’s going to feel sorry for. Can he get fired for this? For not disclosing a learning disability? Shit. _Shit shit shit_. 

Bobby’s talking, words are coming out of his mouth, and he’s still sporting that sad look, but Buck can only see his mouth move. No sound is coming out. His chest feels tight all of a sudden and he can’t quite catch his breath---that can’t be good. 

Within a matter of seconds Bobby’s kneeling directly in front of him, his hands on Buck’s knees to steady him, and helping him breath, “That’s right, nice and slow, match mine.” he says, soft and calming and Buck nods, shuddering as his nerves begin to relax, however minutely. “That’s it, there we go, that’s a good job, kid.” Bobby cups the back of his neck and squeezes tenderly but firmly. The touch is grounding, and helps Buck immensely. 

Once he can catch his breath again Buck melts into his chair, exhausted. “Sorry.” he gulps, hard. “Please don’t fire me.” 

Bobby gets that sad look again and shakes his head. “Buck, you’re not being fired. I was saying I’m sorry because the system has clearly failed you and that’s not fair to you. You deserve not to feel as though you need to hide this about yourself; you have no idea how grateful I am that you were able to share this with us and trust the team---that you could trust _me_ with this.” 

Buck lets out a relieved breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. “So, you’re not mad?” he’s aware that he sounds like a broken record, but he simply can’t help himself. His mother had been livid with him for his short comings. He remembers vividly her frustrations, the way she’d shout at him when he was trying to read out loud or write an essay for school, or when he’d come back with subpar grades--- _“Why can’t you be like your sister Maddie?! Why do you need to make everything so hard on me?!”_

“Buck,” Bobby taps his knee lightly, concerned. “You’re shaking.” he gently points out. “I’m not mad at you. Why would you think that?” Has he ever given any indication that he would be angry at Buck for something he doesn’t even have control over? Does Buck think he’s anything like those teachers at the academy? 

“I---” Buck stops, wishing he weren’t so tense. He’s never talked about this stuff, but if there’s anyone he’s willing to tell, he knows Bobby is that person. So he resolutely steels himself and begins. “My mom found out about the dyslexia when I was nine. She took me along to report card night and my Literature teacher told her she suspected I have it and tried to show her my work. She said I’d benefit a lot if I had some extra help, more time on tests, stuff like that.” 

Bobby has a bad feeling the story doesn’t have a very happy ending, just from the way Buck is holding himself so stiffly. “What did she think about that?” he asks, already knowing the answer, unfortunately. 

Buck looks away. “She didn’t take it well. Mom made a scene and demanded to talk to the principal, calling my teacher incompetent. Eventually they let it go since they didn’t want the trouble. She um, she tried her best to help me at home, but,” he shrugs. “nothing worked. I just couldn’t get the words on paper to make sense, and the worse I did the more angry she got. I was a frustrating kid.” 

Bobby’s heart breaks, hearing Buck make excuses for his mom by putting himself down in the process. He has a feeling there’s more to this story, but Buck’s already said so much, he doesn’t want to push him. 

He doesn’t think twice about getting up and dragging Buck up off his chair into an embrace, his arms going around Buck’s broad shoulders to pull him in. “I need you to know that that wasn’t your fault.” 

Buck is hesitant for only half a second before letting go of any reservations and bringing his arms up to grip at the back of Bobby’s shirt, desperate for the contact. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever really believe that to be true, but no one’s ever said that to him, and he finds himself, embarrassingly enough, tearing up. 

He tries to hide it but he knows Bobby can hear him sniffling by the way the Captain tightens his hold on him. 

“I’ve got you, son.”


	4. Chapter 4

Buck decides to tell Maddie later that week, in the safety and comfort of his own home. 

It's Sunday, around noon, and she shows up to brunch with a bottle of cheap wine and a carton full of strawberries she picked up from the deli downstairs. Maddie knows something is up, because when he invited her over initially she'd wondered if Chim would want to come, and then they could also invite Eddie and Christopher, too, but Buck had insisted it just be the two of them. 

Buck wipes his hands against his pants nervously. He's not even sure how to bring it up. They eat at his kitchen counter, informal, relaxed, though Buck is anything but. 

Finally, Maddie breaks the silence. "So, how have things been? Everything ok at work?" 

Buck nods, "Yup, all good." he looks away, down at his sock covered feet and chews on his lip. "Um, except," he starts, bracing himself. "Something happened this week and uh, I might have told everybody at the station about this thing I've been kinda hiding for a while now. And, I mean, it's fine, everybody was really cool about it, supportive, even. But," he gulps, tapping his fingers against the rim of his plate. "I thought maybe it's time I came clean with you, too." 

Maddie blinks. "Oh. Oh, ok, yeah, that---I'd like that. And Buck, know that whatever it is, I love you and I support you, ok? So," she reaches across the counter and places her hand over his, squeezing in a soothing manner. "You don't have anything to be afraid of with me." 

Buck gives her a weak smile. He knows she's right, but it doesn't do much to quell his anxieties over this. Still, he takes a big breath and tells her everything in one swoop. He doesn't take another breath until he's done with the whole messy tale. 

When he looks up, he's surprised to find bright angry piercing eyes directed at him. "I can't believe this." Maddie is livid. "Jesus Christ Buck!" she stands up and starts to pace, glass of wine and french toast long forgotten now. 

Buck feels his throat dry up and his temperature rise at the unexpected reaction. 

Maddie finally stops pacing back and forth and snatches her purse angrily off the stool next to the one she was sitting on not five minutes ago and half shouts something Buck doesn't catch as she marches off, slamming his front door behind her on her way out. 

Buck sits there for a good two minutes, in shock, before scrambling for his cell phone and dialing Eddies number. 

"Hey Buck, what's up?" 

"Um, sorry, I know it's your day off but, do you think I could come over?" 

On the other end of the line Eddie stares at his phone, confused and starting to worry. Buck doesn't have to ask to come over; he knows by now he's always welcome. "Yeah man, of course. Everything ok?" 

"I don't know." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be posted tomorrow :)


	5. Chapter 5

Eddie opens the door for him before Buck has even fully stepped out of his Jeep and meets him half way out into the driveway. "What's going on?" he asks, ushering Buck inside by the shoulders. 

Buck isn't sure where to begin. "Maddie." he says, sighing. "She--I don't know, I just--" 

Eddie makes him pause and take a deep breath. "There we go, now c'mon, start at the top, tell me what happened." 

Buck nods, grateful. "I invited Maddie over because I wanted to tell her about, well, you know." he still has trouble saying the word out loud, but Eddie knows what he means, letting him carry on. "And when I was done she looked _really_ pissed, like, way madder than I think I've ever seen her!" 

"What? Not at you, right?" Eddie can't imagine why she would be upset with Buck. He knows it could not have been easy for his best friend to tell Maddie about his dyslexia. 

"I---I don't know. She didn't really say anything, she just grabbed her purse and stormed out. I was so surprised I didn't even think to run after her, Eddie." he groans, knocking the palm of his hand against his forehead in frustration. "I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have said anything. It's not a big deal, I don't know why I had to--" 

"Hey, no, cut that out." Eddie grabs Buck's hand, dragging it away from his face. "Look at me, you're _not_ stupid. Call Maddie, you can put it on speaker if you want and we'll talk to her together, yeah?" 

Buck nods reluctantly and starts fishing in his pockets for his phone, only to realize he doesn't have it on him. "Crap, I must have left it at home." 

"That's ok, we can call from mine, here, you want it on speaker?" 

Buck nods again, the hand still in Eddie's gripping a little tighter now. 

"Hey Eddie, I'm sorry I can't really talk right now, I'm kind of in the middle of something with Buck, um, actually, do you think you could try calling him for me? He's not picking up his cell and I'm starting to worry." 

Eddie looks to Buck, communicating solely through eye contact, before replying. "He's here with me right now. He left his cell at the loft." 

They hear Maddie sigh in relief on the other end. "Oh thank God, do you mind if I talk to him?" 

Eddie passes the phone to Buck, encouragingly. Buck doesn't take her off speaker, still irrationally afraid she might be angry with him, and Eddie dutifully stands beside him, a silent support.

"Hey." he hates the way his voice cracks. 

"Buck, I said I'd be back, why did you leave the loft?" 

"You did? I didn't really hear you when you left." Buck says. "Are you still mad at me?" 

There's a slight pause, and then a very sad, "Oh Buck, you think I'm mad at _you_?" 

"Maddie, you spazzed out in my kitchen, grabbed all your stuff and left without another word, I don't really know how else to interpret that." he shrugs.

"Buck, I promise I'm not mad---I mean, I am _angry_ , yes, but it's not with you. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have walked out like that." 

"So why did you?" Buck asks, confused. 

Maddie hesitates, "I had to call mom." 

"W-what, _why_?" Eddie notes with more than a little concern the way Buck pales at the mention of his mother. 

"Buck, she had no right to do what she did to you. She should have gotten you help, she shouldn't have shamed you and punished you and made you hide your dyslexia, just because it didn't fit into her cookie cutter lifestyle!" Maddie is practically yelling at this point, near tears. 

Eddie's shocked when Buck yells right back, "It's not her fault!" 

Eddie starts to tell him to calm down---Christopher is in the other room, after all---but he stops when the it dawns on him. It's not anger in his best friends' voice, it's _fear_. 

"You shouldn't have called her!" Buck hangs up and rakes his fingers through his hair repeatedly, until his curls are a messy nest atop his head. "God." he bangs his fist against the counter, letting out some nervous energy. 

"Crap, Eddie, I'm sorry," He apologizes suddenly, remembering himself; Christopher's in the house and Eddie has neighbors, getting into a screaming match with his sister probably wasn't the greatest idea. 

Eddie looks behind him to make sure Christopher's still in his room playing legos and then turns back around. "Come on." He leads Buck gently to the living room so they can sit down. 

Buck's leg is bouncing and he can't seem to hold himself still. Eddie's never seen him react this way before. "Buck, talk to me. I'm here." he rests a tentative palm over Buck's knee and the bouncing ceases. 

"Maddie was a good kid, she was the one with all the charisma and she was always polite and she was so mature for her age, that's what my mom used to say, after she left for college; she said that Maddie was the smart Buckley. That she was stuck with me after Maddie moved out and she hated---" Buck holds his tongue and looks like he might be physically ill for a moment.

"I haven't talked to her since I turned eighteen and left Hershey for good. I know I'm an adult now and I'm not small anymore, she can't hur---discipline me anymore, but I don't want her in my life again. What if she tries reaching out? What if Maddie wants us to reconnect? She and Maddie were always really close, what if Maddie takes her side?" 

Buck's eyes are wide with terror and bright with tears he refuses to shed, and the knee under Eddie's hand is trembling something awful.


End file.
